ethermoon

Ardent, Mercurial; How I tried pushing myself beside you.

Was that August 2011? Yes, it was. I can still recall that moment — you were curious, we were both curious, everyone was curious, and so is my dog. But I can barely imagine living my life not knowing you. I blame the cosmos for this; why a moment would come that I will get to know a person like you and then twist the events in a one-sided direction.

I was really goddamn curious that I took a bath with my “hangover” face despite the fact of my whiskey breath. I’m a shy guy (at first), so I intentionally hid in one of the extra spaces of Plazuela Building the moment we made this short “meeting-up-so-I-may-get-to-know-who-you-are” phase. Actually, the first thing that came into my mind with regards to knowing her was this photo. You might usually win out your intuitions and you may say “Hey girl, can we be friends?”

We chatted several times before meeting up with topics like “past life regressions”, “second lives”, “reincarnations”; in which it all started from a tattoo. I told her that I was embarrassed by my bro who had his tattoo so I want one too. I showed her this tattoo that I want and she lawfully asked the meaning of it. I answered pitifully “reincarnation”. And that is where everything started.

Meeting up, I despite myself that I have to borrow her away from her friends; that I have to eat up some Batchoy (with egg) in Deco’s Plazuela — costs PhP65.00 — together with an awesome cold softdrink; that I have to release the alcohol from my brain which has succumbed my past night of drunkenness and non-debauchery shenanigan. You opened that book and tried reading about the raindrops. And that is where we all started this so-called journey of friendship.

I can still recall bringing you first time to eat Glor’s hamburger. You were amazed by the place and that we rode jeepney together on our way home. Blissful moments. Those days when I have to make such excuse and garner some absences with my duty because for the stupid reason of “I just want to be with you”. I remember that we steal a lot of (little) time — an hour or so doesn’t satisfy our poor souls — just to meet up with each other everyday.

Seventy-five days or so. It has been like that. And lately we’ve been volunteering ourselves not to meet up because we wanted to heal our hearts. I’ll be honest: I can’t make up. I suffer in this shameful gallows of truth. If only I did not presume to ask about this kind of thing — “Hey, can we not meet up for the next few months so and so because I want to heal myself and I want to spend some time alone” — then it could have been different. But differences always comes with a price. I don’t know but it will be in the future and not today. So to be honest, I miss you. I miss spending time watching the lovely sunset together with our harrowing cries and heartaches. I miss fetching you in your office and off we go to some random places. I miss myself together with you. But okay, let us live life like this. What will happen, happens.